When I don’t understand why

I will never fully understand why God does what he does. A large portion of God’s works will always remain a mystery to me.

On February 11, 2021, my husband Danny passed away from Covid. I’ve shared through my writing how it made no sense to me. Countless friends and family shared that same sentiment. He had just retired and we were excited about new ministry opportunities and a life down a new path. 

But that was not to be. 

For several weeks after the Lord took Danny home, I tried to understand why. Many would suggest reasons why God did what he did. I bless them for their caring, but none of their reasons made sense, at least not to me.

Since this time, I’ve noticed how often people – Christians included – look for reasons behind the whys.

We want to see a purpose for God’s actions. I’ve heard so many give a possible reason for something that has happened to them or someone they knew. They desperately want to give an explanation for God’s actions, as if God needs our understanding or approval. 

Some situations people face will frankly never make sense. Bad and hurtful things happen to all of us, some worse than others. They just do. That’s the consequence of living in a sinful, imperfect world. 

There will never be that a-ha moment of understanding why these difficult times have come, at least not on this side of heaven. 

And there doesn’t need to be.

Our faith and trust in God must rest on the full understanding and assurance that God is God. His ways are perfect. And he is good in all he does. 

Here are some things I do know though:

• God is loving and caring.
  He cares that my heart is still broken with the loss of my best friend and life partner. He blesses me every day in ways that only he can. I’ve felt his love and kindness in countless situations. 

• He will walk me through this painful time.
  I may sometimes struggle with feeling lonely but I am never alone. He is and has been beside me every step of the way.

• He will use all this pain I’m experiencing for good. (Romans 8:28) None of my suffering will be wasted. I’m believing and standing firm that he will deepen and broaden my life in him through this time and use me to help others grow in their walks with him. 

This awareness of God’s sovereignty is essential to my prayer life. As I lift my prayers and concerns to him I know I am praying to a God who is in control. I know he is faithful and loving and always merciful. I can fully depend on him.

I know this because I’m living it out every day and every hour.

I will never understand why God took Danny when he took him. But just because I don’t fully understand what God has done doesn’t mean he’s not in control or that he doesn’t care; it just means I don’t fully understand.

So, as the days pass, I will continue to thank God for what he has done, what he is doing and what he will continue to do. 

He is working to accomplish that which only he can accomplish.

I know he has my life in his tender loving hands. 

And that’s the very best place to be.